His DNA Says He's a , "Brotha"

Q: What does the black community think of that crazy black/white man Michael Jackson?

A: Ah, "remember the time" when Michael Jackson could do no wrong? Let's go back. Way back. Back into time - when a present day ghostly, fragile looking creature used to be a young, brown skinned afro-puffed black man. A time when he had just gone solo and recorded the album Off the Wall. Those were the days! When I was a kid, my jam was "Don't Stop til You Get Enough". You couldn't tell me nothin'! That video was cutting edge too... dancing inside a kalaidascope and shit.

With the Off the Wall album Michael had the same look he always had - those full lips, that wide nose, brown skin, and an afro. It was 1979, that you saw the beginning of THE CHANGE. In the Rock With You video - he unleashed the glitter boots and discovered a new product, the Jheri Curl.

I have to admit, Michael was rockin' that shit out with the Jheri curl. And those glitter boots? That shit was cutting edge! He took the left over material and also fashioned himself a glitter glove! You see.. Michael was EXTRA black from birth to about 1983. I mean, him growin' up in Gary, Indiana of all places, being Jehovah Witness, and singing for Motown Records? If that doesn't say old school blackness, I don't know what does! Hell, until I moved out of metro Detroit, I thought that all Jehovah Witnesses were black - they're the only church folk I knew that went door to door. It wasn't until my college years that I discovered Mormons -- that really threw my ass for a loop! I mean.. they have name badges, white button up shirts, black pants AND bicylce gear. The epitome of Nerdom.

Michael stll held on tight to his Black Card well into the 80s. When you break the color barrier on MTV - you MUST be somebody! Black folks loved that because we could now watch MTV and not be forced to watch another Pat Benatar video. You think MTV is wack as hell now? Try watching it in it's first couple of years of existence.

To be honest, it's pretty hard to lose your Black Card - I mean, you'd have to sell someone out and have a favorite uncle named Tom to even be considered. Once you're born black... even IF your skin tone goes from baked brownies to pancake batter, you're always black. Even if your nose went from double wide to single family. Even if your lips go from luscious to libia-like. You will always be black - But that doesn't mean we won't talk about your ass! But if you have TONS of money - you kind of transcend blackness and you're just a rich mofo and these days, green is the color to be! Oprah is rich, but we always remember she's black because she reminds all the white women in her audience by saying, " When I was a poor little black girl in Mississippi... " Michael barely remembers being poor. Rebbie, Jermaine and Tito may remember - but I'm sure Janet doesn't and MJ doesn't share those stories to make us remember. Michael has become an icon of pop music because of his world wide appeal. It's crazy that kids born well after his EXTREMELY popular music making days know his songs and half of them don't even speak English! It's obvious to me tha no matter how often he fucks up his appearance or allegedly does something illegal - his status as an icon cements his place in history.

With that said, what does the black community think of Michael? Honestly, the black community is forgiving as hell. We forgave so much shit. O.J. - for the alleged murders so many believed in him SO MUCH that they beleived he was innocent (I think most people know better than that now), R. Kelly for a couple of reasons - making that video (y'all know that was him!!) and making some ridiculous ass songs (In the Closet, Feelin' on Yo' Booty, some damn monkey song on the last CD, the list goes on and on), Janet Jackson and nipplegate - we heart Janet because of being Penny on Good Times and surviving an abusive mother with a hot iron - oh wait... that was just a show! Back to the forgiveness - Rev. Jesse Jackson - having an affair, Rev. Al Sharpton for getting that Press 'n' Curl, etc. Bring into question Michael becoming white and allegedly molesting some kids and giving them Jesus Juice - hell.. that's a drop in the bucket. Besides that - That all happened AFTER he became White Michael. We take all credit for things up to the Dangerous album. After that, he because W. Michael J. Jackson. When we think of the good times - we always refer to MJ pre-1991. It all just got to be too much... no black man would do such crazy shit (aside from the DC snipers - but that's like 2 out of 1000 white crazy folks in the media - blacks will typically just shoot one another). Michael fuckin' with his face, skin, renting that womb and then buying back those children from that nurse (you know that's what he did!), callin' one of his kids "Blanket", or having a place called Neverland Ranch - that is some rich white people shit right there! Actually... that's some rich white people shit who are fictitious characters on Dynasty, Falcon Crest, Dallas, and any other night time soap from the 80s!

The thing is, we all know this mofo is crazy! When you have money and you're crazy it's dangerous - that's why MJ titled that one CD that. When you combine crazy and rich with being one of the biggest selling recording artist of all time - it's utter PANDEMONIUM!! He thinks he's still the shit and we (meaning everyone on the planet) still treat him like he's the shit - and this fool ain't had a REAL hit song since 1995! He's now famous for being odd. But in the end, we still love the man because he made so many JAMS. So many that you would have thought he worked in a Smuckers Factory.

So, no matter the length and texture of hair (these days he rocks an ultra perm), the amount of make up and all, we still love her.. I mean him and just like Bertha Johnston in her purple Ladies' Day outfit and matching wide rimmed hat in church on Sunday morning praying to Jesus, we are excited and pray for his triumphant return.

Links used in this entry:

remember the time
Don't Stop til You Get Enough
Rock With You
Pat Benatar
nipplegate
Good Times
Dynasty
JAMS

That's the joint... that's the jam. Turn that shit up then play it again!

Q: Why is it that every song on the radio is "The Jam" to a black person?

A:  Jam... OH Jam... Teddy's Jam! I'm not talkin' about Teddy's Boysenberry Jam... I'm talkin' about a throwback to the R&B group Guy (you can click the link for this and remember the time).  To make things a bit simpler and add to the ambiance -  I invite you to watch this clip before you read this entry. 

As you were watching this clip... doesn't it just make you wanna dance? That's what a jam does.  Makes you wanna dance, it gets you hype, and just makes you feel good!  Most music makes us feel good unless you're EMO - then you just wanna feel pitiful and wear black all day.  I want this blog experience to take you back to a great memory and/or introduce you to a new tune. 

You see, we all have jams no matter the race, nationality, social circle, etc.  The difference lies in how we respond.  Let's take Jonathan B. White.  He knows the song, "Brick House".  He knows the lyrics and even has a couple of dance moves to accompany the beats.  He starts by tapping his foot - maybe even snappin' his fingers on the first and third beats (that's on the 4/4 beat rhythm). He begins to close his eyes to get into the groove.  As he dips deeper into the groove he unknowingly does this - bites his bottom lip as if it gave him soul.  When he's REALLY feeling the song, he might even say, "Man, I love this song!" Sometimes you'll hear people say, "Oh my God!  This song is so awesome/kick ass/the shit!" However, most typically, a black person will refer to a song as THE JAM!  Something that just brings you back to a good ass time you had.  

If you remember Soul Train you will recall the Soul Train Line.  That's when they would play The Jam and people would dance down a row lined with black folks (and the occasional "down" Asian or White person) and get their non-sexual groove on.  That's when you showed the world your best dance move without looking crazy, but instead, sexy and cool without breaking a sweat.   Back in the day, when I lived in metro Detroit, we had a little show we'd watch each weekday after school.  It was our local version of Soul Train.  The program was called The New Dance Show.  The song that's playin' in the clip is one of my jams!  I was lucky to find this clip and damn glad to share it with you.

"Jams" come in many varieties.  There's the "slow jam", the "dance jam", the "freaky jam", and "general jam".   "Drop that Base - the song featured in the previous clip, is a dance jam.  You would play this to get extra hype before going out.   A freaky jam is one of those songs that is quite explicit (sexually or otherwise) - something along the lines of a 2 Live Crew song.  Then there's the slow jam - i.e.  Luther, Chante Moore, Anita Baker, or any other slow song by an R&B artist that made you wanna sex someone up because tick tock - those love jams don't stop.  A general jam is usually one of those pop songs that, as a black person, you hate to admit you like to other black people but have no problem admitting it to white people.  It's kinda like you say, "I can be down with white people music" when you admit it.  Songs in this category is everything that's not rap or R&B.  Artist like Shania Twain, Nine Inch Nails, Guns N Roses, Britney Spears, and Hootie and the Blowfish fall into this category.  "But Dennis", you ask, "Isn't Hootie.. eerr.. Darius Rucker, black?"  Yes, yes he is.. but if you recall one of my earlier posts - he is indeed a blonkey. 

You might notice that you like these songs too - but you might not call it your jam.  You might simply move your shoulders or tap your foot to the beat and say, "Man, this song rocks!".  However, like our brother Jonathan B. White, most black folks LOVE to sing and groove even if we can't do either very well (killing the stereotype that we all can sing and dance). We will sing along to a song and begin the motion of utter enjoyment of the melody by doing a soulful rhythm sway at ANY PLACE and at ANY TIME.  My mind quickly jumps to The Isley Brothers "Groove with You" - a quintessential slow jam.  As we begin to sway to the rhythm of the beat, close our eyes, and snap our finger on the twos and fours (as opposed to the ones and threes) we remember a happy time while we're waiting in line at the local grocery store buying collard greens.  

Music plays a major part the lives of people. Whether you're white, black, or Puerto Rican - Everybody's just a freakin' - Oops. Sorry, I slipped into verse.  But that's one of MY JAMS too!  I got a million of 'em folks and this is exactly why you will often hear black people claim that every other song on the radio, playing in the restaurant, heard on the street, etc. as their jam. When in fact, it's most likely everyone else's jam too. They don't own that shit but we get into our music like we're getting some royalties from the record company for encouraging sales.  We compare singers - not lyricists. Who CAN sing and who CAN'T.  We listen for the beat and not the tempo - this is why most of us can dance to ANY song. And we're quick to tell someone younger than us that, "They don't know nothin' 'bout this" because it's for the grown and sexy bunch. 

I invite every reader to list some of their own jams in the comments.  What's in your Jams List for the slow jam, dance jam, freaky jam, or general jam?

Be sure to take the poll too!  Let's see what people consider a "jam".

Some of my favorite Jams for you to indulge in:

The Mac Band: Roses are Red

Hi-Five: I Like the Way (The Kissing Game)

Sheila E.: The Glamorous Life

The Time: Gigolos Get Lonely Too

Donna Summer: Bad Girls

Prince: When Dove's Cry